So, this post has been a long time coming since it’s been a while before I last posted and even before that my posting was scattered. I’m not even sure who will read this but I figured any stray reader and the few returning readers who venture cross my blog deserve to know. I’m calling it quits.
Although not set in stone, this is probably the last post I ever make on this blog. At the very least, it signifies a pretty long hiatus and if I do return, it will be with a new angle on the kind of posts I make.
The reasons for this are plentiful but I’ll outline a few reasons down below. But to put it briefly, many reasons have conspired for a long time to pull my down my enjoyment of writing posts and a huge chunk of it is on my own self for pushing myself to do it. Even when not posting, I’ve felt pressured to post which only makes it harder for me to actually sit down and, well, write. When I started out, it was for the fun but it slowly metamorphed into a thing I took seriously which… well, that was a mistake.
But other things have and are happening that helped me make this decision.
HOPA is dying
Many will disagree with me on this. I hope they’re right but the writing is on the wall: the industry behind HOPA has been dealt a killing blow and we’re seeing the last life being drained from the industry as we speak. Big Fish Games recently announced that they will stop all funding of hidden object games and considering they were the biggest publisher, that’s a pretty big deal.
I’ve long said that the overreliance on BFG as the sole provider was one that could never end well. The moment the company hit difficulties and tanked, the industry would be out in its arse. Having discussed with multiple developers in the industry over time, few were remotely surprised by this move from BFG. Just like I suspected, the actual profit from HOPA were never big enough to warrant the attention Big Fish Games was laying on it.
Especially not when compared to the riches that casino games represent. I suspect this move was well known by studios for a longer time and is the catalyst for why many decided to try and branch out. And why so many games started appearing on Steam not too long ago. I worry about the smaller studios that weren’t given the time nor money to do this but alas, there’s very little I can do about it.
As such, we’re gonna see the trickle of HOPA slowly diminish. Having gone from almost a game per day, a release every week seems to the new normal today. In fairness, this is a far more stable and reliable release schedule but I wonder how even this will last. Most likely only the bigger names will be able to stay in the game, the ones with a following of their own. But the smaller ones… well…
Part of me has simply lost interest in HOPA because of this but also, since HOPA was the bulk of my posting, there’s simply not enough material there for me to post about anymore.
Maybe. I’ll still keep an eye on the industry and play HOPA in my free time so who knows about the future?
I stopped enjoying tokusatsu
This kind of applies to my Doctor Who posting as well. But truth be told, once I started my project of reviewing and analyzing both tokusatsu and Doctor Who, my love for them has waned. And it very much has to do with this blog.
Once you take the step of turning your hobby into your work, your relationship to your hobby also changes. I noticed this when I worked in the game industry as well, my love for games was almost non-existent while I worked and rarely did I play games while off work. The same happened with Doctor Who and tokusatsu; I just want to go back to enjoying things while watching them instead of constantly analyzing and reviewing it.
I’m not saying I didn’t enjoy watching things anymore, but I did so in a different way. It wasn’t this big, passionate love but rather a detached, appreciative thing. And that’s not okay for me. That child-like reverence for the material was gone and I also felt that love missing in my text. Even though I felt I had more and more things to say about it, I felt less and less inclined to actually write about it. I had to put myself in the mindset of “Well, time to go to work” and that’s… not what I wanted out of this. I wanted to spread the love I felt for these shows more and more yet I felt I was almost doing the opposite of that.
In other words, I just want to go back to watching these shows like I did before I tried to sell them to the world. I won’t ever succeed in turning people into tokusatsu fans like this, as serious as I was about it… the source material simply isn’t. So you need to be a certain person to enjoy them.
I don’t know. All I know is that I still haven’t started the series after Gaim despite finishing that series months ago. And that’s just not right.
My life situation is different
I have a job now. At least for the moment.
That changes in things in obvious ways. And I know I had a job before as well but this is a job where I don’t have to care after I go home. In fact, it’s impossible for me to care after I go home cause there’s nothing for me to care about. This changes things in ways that… I’m just not used to. In my previous job, it was my life. It was all that I thought of. My hobby and better part of my life had become my job.
Some people want that.
I didn’t realize how miserable it actually made me. I wouldn’t trade the time I had in the game industry for anything, I made life long friends (I hope) and it gave me an invaluable experience out of my comfort zone. It was great.
But with this job… I can just… go home at the end of the day and enjoy life.
I wasn’t enjoying writing
In the end, what it mostly comes down to is… this blog had become a job. Work. A duty. I didn’t like that. I wanted not that. I started this blog out of a sense of fun and a sense of writing as I please. In fact, writing this post is the most fun I’ve had in a long while on this blog.
I didn’t hate writing, and every time someone actually posted a comment it felt amazing. But I didn’t love writing either. It wasn’t like when I first began.
Before I do anything else on this blog, I need to figure out how to find myself back to the headspace I was in when I first started writing here and how to maintain it. Maybe my new job, if it becomes permanent, will offer me that mental stability. Or perhaps I’ll find… something else. I have many projects brewing in my head and a part of me wants to find its way back to doing videos on youtube since I really enjoyed that, brought down only by my own self forcing me to take it seriously. To make it a job.
Again, perhaps this job will let me do that.
I don’t know.
In the end, though, the big takeaway is that… I’m not gonna write here. At the very least, for a very long time. If you want to continue reading my text, head on over to Goodreads where I write a review for each book I read. Or don’t!
If nothing else is obvious in this post, take this away: do what you enjoy.